A Wee Bit Tipsy by KimB

My immediate family are teetotalers or just about. Alcohol was not often on the menu or not consumed in large amounts. Of course other members of the family drank various alcoholic beverages and we have our share of causal and heavy drinkers like any other family, but for the most part, alcohol was not a common item in our house.

On special occasions, Mom would buy a bottle of Cold Duck and everyone would get a “splash” in a glass. When I say “splash”, I mean, just enough to wet the bottom of the glass. First, the bottle had to serve everyone who was in attendance, and second, no one was supposed to get drunk.

Now, my Grandfather being from the south, did like a bit of “southern comfort” from time to time but Grandmother rarely touched anything stronger than milk. That being said, she did have a fondness for champagne and if champagne was mentioned, Grandmother was sure to put out her glass for a taste.

At one family dinner hosted by my mother, she forgot to get the Cold Duck. It was the last minute and there was no way to get any, as the guests, including Grandmother and Grandfather, were arriving. It was “What to do, Percy?”

Mom had a brilliant idea! There was ample 7-Up in the fridge and she would pour the 7-Up and tell Grandmother and the others that it was champagne. The kitchen was completely separate from the living room and no one would know about the substitution.

Soon, the serving glasses had their “splash” as usual and these were handed around to the guests chatting in the living room and there were various comments about how good the champagne tasted! Grandmother sipped hers and she was delighted at how good it was and soon her “splash” was gone.

Mom, offered her another “splash” if she wanted it, saying that there was still some extra in the bottle. And Grandmother readily accepted. This time, we made it “a bit bigger” splash and with a flourish handed it to her. Grandmother was delighted and sipped her champagne happily as we all waited for dinner to be served. As everyone happily chatted about the upcoming dinner, Grandmother suddenly announced,

“Oh, this champagne is so good! I think I'm a wee bit tipsy!”

[Editor's note: This story was written by KimB]

Champagne Glasses