El Rancho S-OH-S Part 05 by KimB

Episode Invest in a Paper Mill

It might be a good idea to invest in a Paper Mill¹ or seriously consider doing so.

While the mantra of The Paperless Office² only made the amount of paper use increase, the concept of less paper has not actually hit those in charge of building things.

They are trying though.
 They haven't succeeded.

There is an enormous amount of paper needed to get anywhere near where you want to get to. Plans, sketches, plot maps, materials lists, structural details, statements of operational intent and an infinite list of other things are needed.

Not only are these lists infinite, you have to have provide multiple sets of everything: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 for starters. Every group that has a say-so in the process, has their own infinite lists and varying numbers of duplicates needed.

I think the only single item is the check with the required fees when you hand over the tidal wave of paper.

You will want to use a hand written check because there are tack-on fees to cover the bank surcharges when plastic is used for payment.

You might need to learn/relearn how to write in cursive to do this. Block letters just doesn't cut the mustard.³

There is also the counter problem of mass pulped trees ⁴ with ink on them which is that once things go IN the computer they may or may not come out again.

Some items are Sort of In
 and some items are Sort of Out.

Which causes a hysterical effect of:

But But But I DID! I DID!

followed by

hmmm hmmm
OH! There it is (or isn't)

There is an enormous amount of information that is in these systems. Absolutely mind boggling considering the number of dead mushed trees that are required for submission. How they find anything at all in the morass is astonishing. Which of course, they may not because computers are error prone and are not smart enough to recognize that a typo or misclick has sent something into the wrong folder, the wrong account, the wrong project.

It's like the old playground game:

• Lost Paper moves you back.
• Old Paper trumps Lost Paper.
• New Paper moves you forward.

You might want to bring a hand truck.⁵

References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_mill
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paperless_office
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cursive
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Block_letters
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cut_the_mustard
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wood_pulp
5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_truck

Stack of Paper

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 04 by KimB

Episode Fire and Prevention

While there are still a few folks who think 115f/46.11c is normal balmy summer weather, a great many more of us are getting the message that "IT IS HOT!" and it isn't going to get any cooler in our lifetimes.

I have watched the news of fires all over the world. I have had friends in the massive fire that wrecked the City of Santa Rosa, California, and other cities were just wiped out with many deaths. Years back, I knew people who lived through the fire storm that raged though the Oakland-Berkeley Hills exploding houses from the intense heat.¹

Fire demands Respect.

In the interest of being respectful I am working to have the requisite fire breaks and weed abatement done on the lot. Of course some of this requires questions and answers from those who know about the topic of Fire and Prevention.

Act 1 Scene 4 Calling Fire and Prevention
sound effect: Phone rings

FandP      Hello

Moi         Hello, I own a lot and would like to have the lot cleaned up, weeds removed and fire breaks added. Can you tell me about any restrictions or issues in having this done?

FandP      If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         Ah ummm, I am trying to do what is required to prevent a fire.

FandP      If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         Ah ummm, I would like to know are there are any time of day restrictions?

FandP      You can do what you like. Best to stop before 10am but you don't have to. If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         Ah ummm, would it be better to wait 8 weeks until the weather changes and the fire danger is less?

FandP      You can do what you like. People work in all seasons and conditions. If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         OK Thank you.

FandP      You're welcome. Remember if you start a fire you will be responsible.

End Act 1 Scene 4
sound effect: Music fade

R--E--S--P--E--C--T ²
Find out what it means to me ...

References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camp_Fire_(2018)
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2018_California_wildfires
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oakland_firestorm_of_1991
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respect_(song)

The Far Horizon

[Editor's Post]

It's that time again, when we start to wonder ...

The OH SHYTE Presidential moment by KimB
[Editor's note: This story was written by KimB]
Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Food - Glorious Food!

The Recipe Box: Steamed Artichokes
[Editor's note: This story was written by ElGato]
Wednesday, November 16, 2011

History in English Haiku

I was browsing thru some old Smithsonian magazines, dated 1999 and 2003, that had been stored in the garage, and discovered some long forgotten articles and the following haiku written by Spike Gillespie.

The following haiku are a look at our past, written in English. The English form follows the Japanese rules of seventeen syllables and three lines, but is less strict, particularly concerning the number of syllables and subject matter.

Haiku by Spike Gillespie as printed in the Smithsonian Magazine 1999, 2003
Big bang or maybe six days of work, one of rest. Somehow, it begins.	Dinosaurs tromp tromp, act tough, then die so Spielberg can win more Oscars.
Homo erectus is Mr. Smarty No Pants plays with fire, makes tools.	Ice age arrives and prompts Homo sapiens to start wearing some clothes.
Hunt, gather? Why? This is the dawning of the age of Agrarius	There's no place like Rome, A salad of Caesars tossed aside by the Goths.
Guttenberg printing thrills all the writer types with a moveable feat.	Fourteen ninety-two; Chris Columbus breaks ground for the first McDonalds.
Colonists unite. Boston tea fling leads sun to set on British flag.	Industry arrives. It's electric. It's steamy. We are humming now.
Eighteen sixty-one: divided we fall. Able Lincoln unites us.	One world war follows another. Rosie rivets. Patton rolls. We win.
Russia leads space race. So? They get Sputnik but we get Elvis Presley.	Alphabet of strength: MLK, JFK, X Spelling civil rights.
Sixties. Some drafted. Some protest. Some seek flower power in the Haight.	John Travolta is disco dance personified. (What WERE we thinking?)
Internet arrives. You have mail! How did we find Things before Google?	The young dot-wealthy kiss hubris 'bye; bubble bursts, Can't cash laughingstocks.
A pair of Bushes are planted at the White House, make Clinton sandwich.	Crisis speak thy name, First Saddam. Then Monica. Then Saddam, again.
The twin towers fall. Sorrow, anger and pride rise up from the ashes.