El Rancho S-OH-S Part 14 by KimB

Episode Counting Rocks

Between a Rock and ...  Water?

One of the interesting aspects of having unimproved land is that it is UNIMPROVED. Meaning: there isn't anything there that hasn't been there since the dirt was invented. There maybe the occasional leftover of some prior attempt at making nature better but for the most part It Is What It Is and You Get What's There or Not.

A long time friend gave me a wonderful gift last holiday season, something totally unexpected and the surprise just about knocked me over when I opened it up. The gift was funding for a project on the lot. A small project, something easily accomplished. Something to make the lot a fun destination. Something to help the us enjoy the lot during the hot summers after COVID-19 lock downs end and going up the mountain can be a more frequent occurrence.

I spent a good amount of time mulling over which of the many projects would be a good target. The majority of projects are Big Number Projects. They require a large amount of investment and can become complicated quickly, requiring additional funding. Everyone who has attempted to do such development has found out quickly that the amounts needed can expand faster than Harry Potter's Aunt Marge.

I decided that a small concrete patio sitting area would fit the budget and the needs. Something not too large, but usable. Designed with the potential to do more later but would be more than sufficient for having a nice picnic on the mountain, enjoying the view, the trees, the smell of sages and watching the birds, hawks and wild turkeys as they make surprise appearances swooping across the sky, stalking through the grasses or, as Chaucer put it, smale foweles maken melodye.

After playing more than a decade of a video game that has detailed simulated crafting as a primary activity, you learn that what in the USA is called interchangeably Concrete or Cement, is really 2 separate items: Cement is the powder base, to which you add gravel and then it becomes Concrete, ready to use by adding water.

You can remember which one is which because:

CONCRETE has an R in it for ROCKS and READY TO USE.

One of the unexpected aspects is that small projects do not mean easy projects. Since the budget is small, you also have to find someone who will do small projects too. While finding a good contractor for big projects is sometimes a challenge; finding one for small projects can be equally challenging. Fortunately my contacts on the mountain, all know each other and a referral was made to someone who didn't mind doing smaller jobs.

We met (socially distanced and masked) and given the limited budget, we spent a good while reviewing possibilities. We settled on a perfect location, and suggestions were made about the layout of, what is in fact, a very small patio and some items that could be included for the next project.

Act 1 Scene 14 Rocks and Water
sound effect: birds chirping

Moi	Are you planning on using concrete?
Stone	Yes it's the fastest way to get the patio.
Moi	How do you plan to make the concrete?
Stone	I will rent one of the concrete mixers and buy bags of premixed concrete.
Moi	The bags with the gravel already in it?
Stone	Yes
Moi	You know there is no electricity here?
Stone	No problem, I will bring a generator to run the mixer.
Moi	You know there is no water either?

End Act 1 Scene 14 Rocks and Water
sound effect: smale foweles maken melodye

Picnic Patio

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 13 by KimB

Episode Gravel

All Roads Lead to Rome.

  How did they do that?

Undeveloped means, there is nothing there, other than whatever nature decided to grow. On the Dirt Pile, there are trees, and shrubs, and a variety of grasses. When the rains come things turn green and some plants bloom. When the summer comes, the grasses turn golden brown. When the trees grow old , they die and fall over.

The wild animals that roam the area make pathways through the grass and around the fallen trees. Animal paths may look like they meander but they always show the direction of least effort and the shortest distance between: water, pasture, shade and shelter.

Not a road to be seen.

A road is an improved path or route that allows travel between Here and There. It's all rather complex but unless you are only traveling by foot, getting from Here to There requires a larger more defined path.

Roads come in all shapes, sizes, configurations, design, materials and complexity. Big modern highways and overpasses are the ultimate in complex road design. There are descriptions of ancient roads, details of designs and how they were paved and their expected durability, many lasting into the modern age. Modern methods aren't as durable and 21% of USA roads have deteriorated so badly they can no longer be driven on.

Ancient technology isn't so old fashioned.

A much smaller variation of road, one that is privately built, is a driveway. A driveway is the most common method of getting from Here (the public road) to There (onto the dirt pile).

It might seem that this isn't a big deal, but without a driveway you cannot get from Here to There reliably, unless you have a tractor or a tank or an earth-mover. For practical access and human design, a driveway provides The Way To There.

But you cannot wave a magic wand and shout

"EXPECTO DRIVEWAY!!!"

... because well... nothing happens. There's a bit more to it.

Things you have to do:

Decide where the drive is going to be

You could change your mind later and move it, but it's a lot easier if you put it where you want it in the first place.

Check the terrain

If you want to make things easy (read less expensive) you will find a spot that doesn't require Excavation and the dreaded Grading Permit. You have to check for drainage and runoff channels because if you don't the first big rain will wash away your efforts (and money) and possibly your down stream neighbor.

Check the geography

If your driveway path runs though a boulder or side of a mountain you might need to hire a tunnel boring machine. It's a lot easier if you can go around the Big Stuff.

Check the flora

This means trees. If your route is going to plough a path through a bunch of trees you might need a good chain saw, a hard hat and hope the tree doesn't fall on you. It's a good idea to avoid as many as you can.

Once you have the driveway planned out, you either actually do the work yourself or better yet, hire someone to do it. Hopefully, they know what they are doing because for sure, not everyone does.

1. Scrape away the surface grass, weeds, shrubs
2. Drag dead trees out of the way
3. Remove trees and trim branches
4. Install culverts and runoff channels
5. Level the path
6. Pack down the base
7. Surface according to use

So once you can get from Here to There ...

   How do you know where There is?

Well, you have to start At The Beginning...

Somewhere, in every location on the planet, people have marked THE SPOT. From THE SPOT they measure a lot of things, one of which is distance between THE SPOT and ANOTHER SPOT.

"Over the river and through the woods..."

"Turn right at the corner store..."

"When you see the 3 trees on the left
and 2 trees on the right, go straight..."

The Romans had the "Milliarium Aureum" also known as the Golden Milestone. From this spot they calculated all the distances in the Roman Empire. Historical reports indicated that the distances to all major cities in the Empire where listed on the monument. It was erected by the Emperor Caesar Augustus near the Temple of Saturn in the central Forum of Ancient Rome around 20 B.C. There is some debate about what was actually listed, inscribed and the location because only fragments have survived to the modern period.

In the USA, we have a Zero Milestone. It is located in Washington D.C. south of the White House. It was intended to be the starting point for all distances in the USA. Except it isn't. Only the roads in Washington D.C are measured from it.

To confuse things, there are several other Zero Milestone locations around Washington D.C. competing for the title.

Many states have their own Zero Milestones and as you can expect, these are only good until you hit the state line where the mile markers change over, except in a few states where they don't.

Some distances are measured from a one boundary edge to another edge along compass points, like from one state line to another state line.

There are also Postmile Markers that indicate distances within a county. The distances are calculated from one county line to another.

So where did you put the driveway?

   Where the wild life had made a path.

Dirt Pile Driveway

Gravel Road take me home...

Postmile

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 12 by KimB

Episode Candles

No House...

  No Well...

    ...No Power

Act 1 Scene 12 Candles
sound effect: phone ringtones

Moi	Allo?
Power	Hi! Good News! We have done all the preliminary work to install the electrical power, and everything is Good To Go!
Moi	Ohh?
Power	Yes! All the paper work is done, the technical drawings are completed, the electrical load calculated. All Good.
Moi	Hmm?
Power	So we are ready to move forward with a contract, which will include the bill of materials and pricing.
Moi	Ummm?
Power	And we have just checked and you are eligible for a special limited offer of a matching grant to help offset costs.
Moi	Oooh???
Power	Let me see, yes there it is... yes.. yes... your deposit fully covers all costs!
Moi	Ahhhh?
Power	You won't be charged for upgrading the transformer or upgrades on our power pole!
Moi	Ehhh??
Power	Let me look further ... there's more. You are going to get 75% of your deposit refunded too!
Moi	Oi??
Power	Yes, yes and we can start in a few days. Yes things are moving right along.
Moi	Eeehh?
Power	Just a few more items to fill out...
Moi	Ummm?
Power	The house is built, right? The well is in and ready to connect, right?
Moi	Aaah?
Power	You do have a house built?
Moi	Eep?
Power	Oh... no house. You do have the well drilled and pumps ready?
Moi	Eeeps?
Power	Oh. We have a problem ....
Moi	Ayeee?
Power	WE, Do Not provide power for general lighting equipment or machinery use recharging stations security cameras computer systems
Moi	Huh?
Power	WE are THE Public Electrical Utility but we only provide electricity to homes or wells.
Moi	Aarrp?
Power	No House...   No Well...     ...No Power
Moi	Wha???
Power	You will have to use candles.

End Act 1 Scene 12 Candles
sound effect: click, dead air

Candle Power

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 11 by KimB

Episode Red Light Green Light

One of the many stories and lessons about construction is that nothing goes in a straight line. Everything wiggles and wobbles and just when you think all the ducks are finally lined up, something goes pear-shaped.

All those fix-it-up/DIY TV shows bypass this aspect. That last thing they want you to realize is that it IS "A Long Way to Tipperary"¹ and you aren't going to get there any time soon.

Sometimes, the wobble is so great it just launches the whole project into orbit.

En attendant Godot²


Act 1 Scene 11 Statues³
sound effect: mechanical hum

Green Light	Purchase Property
Red Light	Escrow and Closing
Green Light	Property Title Completed
Green Light	County Requirements Research
Red Light	Restrictions Override Required
Green Light	County Override Deposit Accepted
Green Light	Utility Power Request
Red Light	Utility Work Deposit Required
Green Light	Utility Work Deposit Accepted
Red Light	Utility Power Review #001
Green Light	Power Review #001 Completed
Red Light	Utility Power Review #002
Green Light	Power Review #002 Completed
Red Light	Utility Power Review #003
Green Light	Power Review #003 Completed
Red Light	House Electrical Load Required	HOLD
Red Light	Site Plan Design
Green Light	Site Plan Design Completed
Red Light	House Plan Design
Green Light	House Plan Design Completed
Red Light	Electrical Load Analysis
Green Light	Electrical Load Report	HOLD CLEARED
Green Light	Utility Electrical Load Calculations
Red Light	Transformer Insufficient Capacity	HOLD
Red Light	Transformer Capacity Resolution	3-18 MONTHS
Red Light	Building Loan Application
Green Light	Application Submitted
Red Light	Additional Documents #001
Green Light	Documents #001 Submitted
Red Light	Additional Documents #002
Green Light	Documents #002 Submitted
Red Light	Additional Documents #003
Green Light	Documents #003 Submitted
Green Light	Loan Documents Completed
Red Light	Costs Exceed Budget	HARD STOP
Red Light	Building Loan	WAITING FOR GODOT

End Act 1 Scene 11 Statues
sound effect: shredding paper

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_a_Long_Way_to_Tipperary
   "It's a Long Way to Tipperary" is a music hall song written by Henry James "Harry" Williams and co-credited to Jack Judge around January 1912.
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waiting_for_Godot
   Waiting for Godot is a play by Samuel Beckett and is a translation of his own original French-language play, En attendant Godot
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statues_(game)
   Statues (also known as Red Light, Green Light in the United States, and Grandmother's Footsteps in the United Kingdom) is a popular children's game, often played in different countries. How the game is played varies throughout different regions of the world.

Lonely Power Pole
Dirt Pile

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 10 by KimB

Episode Gunsmoke

Water, water, every where,

nor any of yours to take.¹

Act 1 Scene 10 Water Tanks
sound effect: boot steps crunching gravel

Tank	There
Moi	Where?
Tank	Hmmm, there...
Moi	Where?
Tank	Or there ...
Moi	Where?
Tank	Could be there...
Moi	Where?
Tank	No, over there...
Moi	Where?
Tank	Maybe there...
Moi	Where?
Tank	You have to hide it, or they will steal it.
Moi	Steal what?
Tank	The Water
Moi	How can they steal water? Isn't that an LA problem? 2
Tank	A water truck. 3 For growing cannabis. There are guns.
Moi	I don't own a gun.
Tank	They don't know that...

End Act 1 Scene 10 Water Tank
sound effect: boots scuffing dirt

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rime_of_the_Ancient_Mariner
   The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (originally The Rime of the Ancyent Marinere) is the longest major poem by the English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, written in 1797–98 and published in 1798.
   

   Water, water, every where,
   

   Nor any drop to drink.

2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_water_wars
   The California water wars were a series of political conflicts between the city of Los Angeles and farmers and ranchers in the Owens Valley of Eastern California over water rights.
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_truck#Common_small_tank_trucks
   Smaller tank trucks, with a capacity of less than 3,000 US gallons

Water Wars

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 09 by KimB

Episode The Draft

Images of people marching with signs and chanting

FREEDOM, PEACE, PEOPLE POWER, END THE WAR!

Images of young men (and now women too), lined up bare-ass-nekked,

waiting INSPECTION

Images of warm afghans with bright colors and fanciful designs

staying WARM

Act 1 Scene 9 The Draft
sound effect: opening hot coffee thermos hiss

Glug	100 feet
Moi	ah? what?
Glug	100 feet
Moi	of signs?
Glug	no, 100 feet of draft
Moi	100 feet of BEER?
Glug	no no 100 feet of pipe
Moi	I don't smoke

End Act 1 Scene 9 The Draft
sound effect: glug glug glug

Fire Safety Draft Water:
The process of raising water
from a static source to supply a fire engine pumper is known as drafting.

Fire Safety Draft Requirements

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 08 by KimB

Episode Oh Cadastre!

There is an old poem by A.A. Milne that I love because of its logic puzzle.

 Halfway Down
by A.A. Milne 1924 ¹

Halfway down the stairs
is a stair
where i sit.
there isn't any
other stair quite like
it.


i'm not at the bottom,
i'm not at the top;
so this is the stair
where
I always
stop.


Halfway up the stairs
Isn't up
And it isn't down.
It isn't in the nursery,
It isn't in town.
And all sorts of funny thoughts
Run round my head.
It isn't really
Anywhere!
It's somewhere else
Instead!

One of the aspects of the poem is: "How do you know WHERE you are"; which leads to all sorts of interesting problems and issues.

Trying to locate WHERE is a very old problem, probably as old as when the first hominids realized they could bludgeon another hominid to claim the spot that one was sitting on. Watching our cats sort out their eating bowls is much the same. They all get the same food but somehow they just "know" that the food in that OTHER dish is better. They rotate around the bowls sampling the same fare.

The odd thing about WHERE, is that we both know and we don't know. I know where my pile of dirt IS but I don't know WHERE it is. There is a significant difference between the two.

The main method humans use to determine WHERE are maps. Wolves just pee their territory markers and other wolves recognize the claim, but humans are sadly lacking in that olfactory department and peeing isn't recognized as a legal marker. So we use maps.

And there in lies a problem.

'Cause all maps are unequal

Some maps are more unequal than others

But only on Tues and Thurs

There are many sorts of maps, all attempting to solve one or more problems with WHERE.

Paper street maps show the approximate location and direction to any street within the grid area. Section A47 leads to block on the map where the street names are listed. It is not accurate. It's representational.

GPS systems have an average error of 50 ft., but they can be off by as much as a 100 ft. in WHERE. ² Given that modern humans rely on this imprecise information for auto-navigation systems , it's surprising anyone wants a self-driving car that can miss the road by 100 ft. and driving across the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge³ 600 ft. above the Rio Grande River might lead to quicker decent than anticipated if the car misses the roadway by even a few feet.

There is another niggly problem with WHERE and that is the earth is round-ish. There are maps that try to answer: "How do you make a round object into a flat surface?" It's rather like an orange and there are variations on how to peel it. Geographers and Cartographers have been working on this for a long long time.

For the rest of us it's a bit like Le Petit Prince's encounter with the Geographer ⁴. The Geographer knows nothing about the planet because all he does is write down what explorers tell him.

Le géographe ne quitte pas son bureau .... ⁴

So, where IS where?

For my hunk of dirt the only map that counts is a Cadastre Survey Map.⁵

A cadastre survey map marks the legal boundaries and corners of land parcels. While it has been around for centuries, but it's only since I've owned the pile of dirt, that I've learned about it. Knowing WHERE the boundaries and corners are, is an important way to avoid boundary clashes over fence lines and distance requirements. My dirt pile requires a 30 ft. fire break around the perimeter and a cadastre map will show where to measure that distance. It will allow the proper distance measurements between the house, well, septic and PGE power poles.

Now, given that the lot has been pretty much there since dirt was invented, one might think that this was a done-deal and it would be documented somewhere.

It is and it isn't.

Deed and title show the legal owner of what IS, and a previous cadastral map can show where the WHERE was; but you need something on the physical dirt to actually link both the "WHERE" and "IS" together.

Those physical markers are called milestones, boundary markers, survey markers, survey monuments or corner markers.⁶ Each has a purpose and is used to define the WHERE between two or more geographic areas.

So... why isn't a historical corner marker good enough?

Because someone with a bulldozer:

• dug it up
• moved it
• buried it
• excavated it
  or
• it was trashed and sent to some landfill.

On my dirt pile I have 5 markers.

2 have been found.
3 are missing.

OH CADASTRE!


References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halfway_Down_(poem)
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A.A._Milne
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Positioning_System
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Error_analysis_for_the_Global_Positioning_System
   Autonomous civilian GPS horizontal position fixes are typically accurate to about 15 meters (50 ft.)
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rio_Grande_Gorge_Bridge
   The Rio Grande Gorge Bridge, locally known as the "Gorge Bridge" or the "High Bridge... Roughly 600 ft. above the Rio Grande, it is the tenth highest bridge in the United States.
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Little_Prince
   https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_Petit_Prince
   Le géographe est trop important pour flâner. Il ne quitte pas son bureau. Mais il y reçoit les explorateurs. Il les interroge, et il prend en note leurs souvenirs.
5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadastre
   A cadastre (also spelled cadaster) is a comprehensive land recording of real estate to define the dimensions and location of land parcels described in legal documentation
6. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milestone
   A milestone is one of a series of numbered markers placed along a road or boundary at intervals of one mile or occasionally, parts of a mile
   
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boundary_marker
   A boundary marker, border marker, boundary stone, or border stone is a robust physical marker that identifies the start of a land boundary or the change in a boundary, especially a change in direction of a boundary. There are several other types of named border markers, known as pillars, obelisks, and corners.
   
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survey_marker
   Survey markers, also called survey marks, survey monuments, survey benchmarks or geodetic marks, are objects placed to mark key survey points on the Earth's surface.

Missing Survey Markers in Red

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 07 by KimB

Episode Going Away

Discussions with The County can be quite illuminating. Not so much as in having an epiphany or getting insight on a topic but rather like getting hit by a multitude of perspectives.


Act 1 Scene 7 Excavating Ancient Plans
sound effect: approaching foot steps

Bolt	What do you want?
Moi	I have these really old plans and I would like to know if they can be updated to current standards.
Bolt	How old are they?
Moi	Old
Bolt	How old?
Moi	The reign of Thutmose I the third pharaoh of the 18th dynasty of Egypt 1506–1493 BC. Can I show them to you?
Bolt	Don't even open them!!! I won't look!!!
Moi	Oh! Why? Don't you want to see them?
Bolt	NO!!!!! I WON'T LOOK AT THEM!
Moi	Oh ... is there are problem?
Bolt	I'm LEAVING CALIFORNIA!!! I can't wait to get away from here! If I look I might be entrapped! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!

End Act 1 Scene 7 Excavating Ancient Plans
sound effect: fleeing steps

Clearly not a fan of
National Geographic Ancient Egypt Specials

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 06 by KimB

Episode Parking The Hay

Maxims of Motors

• You cannot have a Garage without a House.
• You cannot have a Carport without a Building.
• You can have a Pole Barn.... If you Park Hay in it.

Exeter Book1 Codex Exoniensis Riddle 24
Old English	Modern English
Ic eom wunderlicu wiht—wræsne mine stefne:	I am a wondrous creature—I vary my voice;
hwilum beorce swa hund,	sometimes I bark like a dog,
hwilum blæte swa gat,	sometimes I bleat like a goat,
hwilum græde swa gos,	sometimes I cry like a goose,
hwilum gielle swa hafoc.	sometimes I shriek like a hawk.

References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exeter_Book_Riddle_24
   The Exeter Book, Exeter Cathedral Library MS 3501, also known as the Codex Exoniensis, is a tenth-century book (960-1072).
   The Exeter Book is the largest known collection of Old English literature still in existence.
   This is a portion of the Exeter Book Riddle 24.

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 05 by KimB

Episode Invest in a Paper Mill

It might be a good idea to invest in a Paper Mill¹ or seriously consider doing so.

While the mantra of The Paperless Office² only made the amount of paper use increase, the concept of less paper has not actually hit those in charge of building things.

They are trying though.
 They haven't succeeded.

There is an enormous amount of paper needed to get anywhere near where you want to get to. Plans, sketches, plot maps, materials lists, structural details, statements of operational intent and an infinite list of other things are needed.

Not only are these lists infinite, you have to have provide multiple sets of everything: 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 for starters. Every group that has a say-so in the process, has their own infinite lists and varying numbers of duplicates needed.

I think the only single item is the check with the required fees when you hand over the tidal wave of paper.

You will want to use a hand written check because there are tack-on fees to cover the bank surcharges when plastic is used for payment.

You might need to learn/relearn how to write in cursive to do this. Block letters just doesn't cut the mustard.³

There is also the counter problem of mass pulped trees ⁴ with ink on them which is that once things go IN the computer they may or may not come out again.

Some items are Sort of In
 and some items are Sort of Out.

Which causes a hysterical effect of:

But But But I DID! I DID!

followed by

hmmm hmmm
OH! There it is (or isn't)

There is an enormous amount of information that is in these systems. Absolutely mind boggling considering the number of dead mushed trees that are required for submission. How they find anything at all in the morass is astonishing. Which of course, they may not because computers are error prone and are not smart enough to recognize that a typo or misclick has sent something into the wrong folder, the wrong account, the wrong project.

It's like the old playground game:

• Lost Paper moves you back.
• Old Paper trumps Lost Paper.
• New Paper moves you forward.

You might want to bring a hand truck.⁵

References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_mill
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paperless_office
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cursive
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Block_letters
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cut_the_mustard
4. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wood_pulp
5. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hand_truck

Stack of Paper

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 04 by KimB

Episode Fire and Prevention

While there are still a few folks who think 115f/46.11c is normal balmy summer weather, a great many more of us are getting the message that "IT IS HOT!" and it isn't going to get any cooler in our lifetimes.

I have watched the news of fires all over the world. I have had friends in the massive fire that wrecked the City of Santa Rosa, California, and other cities were just wiped out with many deaths. Years back, I knew people who lived through the fire storm that raged though the Oakland-Berkeley Hills exploding houses from the intense heat.¹

Fire demands Respect.

In the interest of being respectful I am working to have the requisite fire breaks and weed abatement done on the lot. Of course some of this requires questions and answers from those who know about the topic of Fire and Prevention.

Act 1 Scene 4 Calling Fire and Prevention
sound effect: Phone rings

FandP      Hello

Moi         Hello, I own a lot and would like to have the lot cleaned up, weeds removed and fire breaks added. Can you tell me about any restrictions or issues in having this done?

FandP      If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         Ah ummm, I am trying to do what is required to prevent a fire.

FandP      If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         Ah ummm, I would like to know are there are any time of day restrictions?

FandP      You can do what you like. Best to stop before 10am but you don't have to. If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         Ah ummm, would it be better to wait 8 weeks until the weather changes and the fire danger is less?

FandP      You can do what you like. People work in all seasons and conditions. If you start a fire you will be responsible.

Moi         OK Thank you.

FandP      You're welcome. Remember if you start a fire you will be responsible.

End Act 1 Scene 4
sound effect: Music fade

R--E--S--P--E--C--T ²
Find out what it means to me ...

References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camp_Fire_(2018)
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2018_California_wildfires
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oakland_firestorm_of_1991
2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respect_(song)

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 03 by KimB

Episode Power Maybe

There are two parts to getting power: The Electrical Company and Local Government. While I'm working with the Electrical Company answering Jolt Questions, I also have to work with the local permit folks. I will be working with them a lot, so I am making special efforts to learn what it is I need to know and to learn how to ask for it.

It's all in how you ask.

Every aspect has someone with a dog-in-the-fight or an axe-to-grind. It's rather surprising how many different groups are involved, each with their own agendas. Navigating the waters isn't straight forward and you never know when a crocodile is gonna bite you. Once the croc has raised it's head, it's best to come back another day and try again because NO is a very basic part of their vocabulary, and like a toddler, NO becomes THE answer for everything.¹

Of course, NO isn't the answer I am looking for and it invariably comes down to having asked for the wrong thing. Sometimes you just have to reword things to get where you want to go. I'm adding lots of new words to my vocabulary.

Once you get the idea that it isn't a game of 20 Questions²; it's more a game of Guess the Word³.

So the game is this:

• Game Board:Undeveloped Lot
• Players:Electrical Company, Local Government, Moi
• Goal:Electrical Power
• To Win:Must complete all Objectives
• Objectives:
  1. Permit
  2. Electric Power Pole
  3. Electric Power Meter
  4. Electricity
• Rule:You cannot have electrical power on an undeveloped lot

I like games!

References

1. ht tps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_8-Ball
   The Magic 8 Ball is a toy used for fortune-telling or seeking advice. The user asks a yes-or-no question then turns it over to reveal a written answer.
2. ht tps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twenty_Questions
   Twenty Questions is a spoken parlor game. One player is chosen to be the answerer and selects a topic. All other players take turns asking a question which can be answered with a simple "Yes" or "No."
3. ht tps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Password_(game_show)
   Attempt to convey mystery words to each other using only single-word clues...



My Sources Say NO

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 02 by KimB

Episode: Electrical Service

One might think that electrical service in the 21th Century is a given for civilization, it turns out it is not.

What that means is: You have no "rights" to obtain electrical service if for some odd reason beyond comprehension someone with more privileges than you, says "no".

When I bought the property I did a lot of research and talked with anyone who had anything to do with building, the area and covered every possible part of my meager ass-ets by asking questions and as this saga will no doubt go to show, just because you got a question answered does not mean the answer is valid after you got it.

In case, you might be inclined to think my research was lacking, my main research document is now more than 100 pages plus all sorts of supporting side documents, images, diagrams and details of anything that might be even a teeny-weeny bit helpful.

In this case it is Electrical Service.

After researching and talking with the electrical service provider for this area, as well as reading all the PDFs and studying all the diagrams included, I called them to begin the process to get the service put on the lot. I ended up with a Service Planner who will be The One to determine what I get and how.

What the TV shows skip are:

Questions about Service and what does THAT mean?

There appears to be three sorts of people you have to interact with:

• There are people who know and share their knowledge.
• There are people who know and do not want to share their knowledge.
• There are people who know but will not give you the time of day.

You will find out pretty darn quick which sort of person you are interacting with and you have to adjust your approach accordingly. Sometimes it's better to abort and try again in a few days.

When you get a Type A, this is the fastest and nicest path from where you are to where you need to go next. Cherish these folks 'cause there are plenty of Bs and Cs to go around.

When you get a Type B, this is the person that says: "You tell me what you want in detail" and then replies with "We Don't Do or Allow That".

If unfortunately, you to come face to face with a Type C, just go home and try another day when Type C might be assigned to someone else.

So, in the case of the Electrical Service Planner, I have to answer questions about things I really know nothing about, you know like electrical stuff. One might think that 'cause it's electrical service and they are the ones in charge of it, they might be able to suggest, offer, advise on what is needed but no.....

As I am winding my way through the list of things that require answers, there is always another question or mismatched answer to resolve. It's rather exciting actually, to pass one level of questions to find out what's on the next the level.

Jeopardy with a jolt.

El Rancho S-OH-S Part 01 by KimB

Episode: The Lot

Nearly every time you turn on the TV you see one of those Fix It Up House programs showing how ezpz it is to swap your old humdrum boring house for a super swanky fab house with hardly a fuss to your shellacked coiffure or chip in the 4 inch long manicured finger nails.

So, not to be out done or under done, I am jumping the shark a bit to post about my own project:

An undeveloped 5 acre lot
Located about 1 hour east of Fresno, California.

Well, it's not much a project at the moment, but I do own the dirt and trees and as there isn't anything else, except the local wild life, that lives there, I haven't dented anything except my bank account.

The PLAN

To build a small house using green renewable technologies with a lot of old fashioned know how.

The IDEA

I am now moving past the middle part of older-personhood, I want a small house where things are comfortable but not so grand or swank. I no longer have need for many things that builders put in housing, like a second floor. I am not hosting grand dinners and country getaways for the rich and famous, just ordinary suppers so I don't need dining space to seat 400 for Sunday Afternoon Brunches.

The BUDGET

This is easy: NONE.

As the old saying goes you can make a small fortune in race horses. Provided you start with a large fortune, you can change it to a small one.

Since I have no fortune to begin with, small is closer to none at all.

I am planning on many things but how much I will be able to accomplish is going to be the interesting part of the project. Lots of ideas about how to spend money I don't have. Saves a lot of wear and tear on the finger nails when the price tag goes beyond the cost of a burger and fries.

The OUT

Well, every project has an "out" where things get so muddled up, everyone throws up their hands and gives up. The TV shows don't show you many of those but one can guess that the Big Home Lumber Stores aren't making money because things worked out the first time.

Years back there was an old saying:

It takes 3 trips to the hardware store to fix something.

Trip 1: You buy what you think you need.
Trip 2: You buy what you forgot to buy on Trip 1.
Trip 3: You buy replacement parts for things you broke trying to fix the something.

I would add

Trip 4: Return all the unused items you bought in Trips 1, 2 and 3.

The OUT is to just stop. I may not be able to achieve what I want. I don't have a time table, other than before I die, so if things don't work out, well they don't work out. The dirt and trees and wild life won't mind at all if I don't move in with them.

Rather than tell you all the grand things and how ezpz things are, I figured it might be a bit more entertaining to explain all the items you do not see on those 30 Minutes to Masterpiece Reveals, that are de rigueur. Since this is an on-going project, be prepared for more shifts and turns and jumps than a Down Hill Ski Racer.



The Lot